Suicide Prevention Awareness Month- My personal Experience

I am the person that you see blasting on my Instagram pictures of my “healthy meals” and post-workout ‘flexies’. I never get too personal on Facebook nor am I a person that shows a lot of vulnerability or sadness. But with this being Suicide Prevention Awareness Month and seeing so many articles and stories to which I can relate, I felt a tug within my heart to share mine.
I am the daughter of a man that chose to take his life. When I was 16 years old I received a phone call from my mother to ride home with my sister from school when she left early for work release. The silence that day in the car was of eeriness and I can still remember the feeling of worry that came over me. My sister and I walked into our house and the look that my mother had on her face was a look that I will never forget. My sister grabbed my hand and instantly, we knew that something was wrong with our daddy.
I had the opportunity that night to say everything to my dad that I felt. He lay in ICU hooked up to ventilators and life support without a trace to the truth that he could hear anything that I had to say. As I sat there holding his hand, looking at the dried blood in his nose and the traces that had come out of his ears, he was still the most handsome man that I had ever seen. I felt every single emotion that one can possibly feel within minutes. I felt love, sadness, apathy, self-pity, anger, hatred, and Love. Braindead and lifeless, I still held on to every single twinkle of hope that he could hear my words. To this day, when I think of my daddy, I face a roller coaster of emotion. I am still angered at the fact of his selfish decision. I am still angered at myself for lack of recognition that there was such a deep-rooted issue. But most of all, just sadness. Not sadness for myself, but sadness that he obviously felt that he was at a place that he couldn’t get past. Problems and pain that had him hostage within his own thoughts. I can’t imagine, nor do I ever wish to know this level of loneliness.
My reason for sharing and my point being, there are people everyday living in this world of loneliness. Those that face these battles within their own minds. As outsiders, we don’t always know when people are living within this hell. All we can do is our part of being good humans. Show love and support to those in your life every single day. Tell them daily that they are important. If you see any signs of depression or detachment, reach out…
Love is Contagious!
To those that are facing these struggles, Please, ask for help! What if this one simple gesture could forever change your life! Asking for help is not a symptom of weakness, but rather one of courage! Turn a possible tragedy into a lifelong testimony!

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